"He's Just a good kid making bad decisions!"

This post is being very transparent about myself, sorry if any of this shocks or insults you. But i was once a very lost boy, young man and an adult. From a very young age i had a very rebellious and a dangerous curiosity for seeing just how far the limits in anything were. Yet at the same time had a genuine love for people, especially the underdog! Bipolar, should figured that one out alot earlier. ooopps! I grew up in what was a small little nowhere place, Chesterfield Township. My family was big and influential in the area. But anyway, getting to the title of this post; " He's just a good kid doing/making bad decisions/things!" My great grandmother would always say that in my defence while acknowledging that her grandchild is doing some really stupid stuff. Her and a cappucian monk were the two most life lasting mentors i ever had, and it was because of their strong faith and devotion to the Lord that even kept my mind open to God. Eventually leading to my re-birth. so anyways, as a youth i would spend all week long raising havoc where ever i went, including Catechism school, and then on the weekends hanging out with family and often i would spend the weekends at my great grandmothers house. We would stay up late playing cards and watching TV. But during these weekends i would watch a true servant of the Lord at work. She would all week long make batches of soup and give them out to those in need, and she also spent alot of time raising money so that all kids in the area rich or poor could play baseball with nice uniforms and equipment. She eventually raised enough money to purchase a big peace of property and then build a bunch of full size baseball fields. All she would ever talk about is seeing all those kids playing ball on lit fields like the pros. She died not much longer after seeing the fields lit up for the first time.She is one person that i really grieved hard for and still till this day. I miss her and wish she could have been around to see all her hard work and investment in me pay off!before she took her last breathes of life she shook her fist at me and them motioned blowing me a kiss. She couldn't talk anymore at this point. she would always do that to me, it was her way of not repeating herself to me anymore, when she shook her fist at me it always meant that she knew what i was always up to, to stop doing bad things, turn my life over to God, and last but not least to "keep it in my pants." its weird i am now laughing and crying at the same time. And of course the blowing of a kiss was simply that, she loved me and goodbye.
This is when i truly just lost it in life, for a long time i was mad at God for taking such a great person away from myself and all the other people she had touched. I didn't understand it all like i do now. But what followed was a lack of concern for myself and rules. I now realize that i wanted to die but just couldn't do it myself so i just kept putting myself in really dangerous places in life. But obviously our Father in heaven had different plans for me. this may seem off but i believe that God allowed me to walk through fire without getting burned. figuratively speaking. Cause seriously i should not be alive today.. This is my only conclusion is that it was by Gods' hands that i was shielded and protected from death before i could be born, it was sort of labor pains of my coming to choose life over eternal death.

So anyway, it was my great grand mother who first showed me how to separate the person from the sin. love the person, dislike and reject the sin. A truth from God is what she was always modeling, love,servant hood, compassion, mercy, grace, encouragement and forgiveness. This is why i always go with the saying "He/she is just a good kid making bad decisions.'
Some times your seeds are sown on infertile ground, but sometimes a tree just needs to fight amongst the weeds and vines to reach the light and begin to blossom and produce good fruit. My tree took 34 years of fighting against the weeds and vines that tried to keep my soul tied down. So to all out their frustrated by good kids just not getting it, well we do, for some or most it just takes a longer time fighting to reach the light. Not all the seeds that u have sown have been done in vain. Like my great grandmother, you might not be here on earth to see them mature, but i Think God will bless u with the transforming moment anyways to see.
Keep the faith, don't be afraid to reach out and get dirty, cuz there are a whole lot of Gods' children waiting to be labored to a new life in Jesus Christ!

Monday Night Thoughts by Brother John

Lately in our bible study time, i have given the option to my core student leaders to teach on any topic as long as they can back it up scripturally. Yes i preapprove thier main scriptures before i set them off. But anyways, they have been coming up with topics like being who God made u to be, lust, relationships/ and deeper relationship with Christ, anger and such. all really great subjects, but last monday we were talking about forgiveness and the importance of forgiving others so that we may be forgiven. This was a very interesting discussion. then it got real tricky,and so real that we were faced with a real life delema that is truely hard to forgive someone.
Come to find out two of the young men we mentor both had thier parents violently taken from them at a young age.Emotions were becoming to run high because of the rawness from the enitial wounds that hadnt been fully heald yet. But the main question that was posed to these young gentlemen, that by the way love Christ with all thier hearts, have they been able to forgive those responsible for the deaths of thier parents? They both really struggled with their answers but were honest. One said that for a long time he harbored a hate and agrudge, almost wanting revenge. but eventually he came to realize that he had to forgive them no matter how hard it is in the flesh. young man number two was even more forthcoming with responding that although he is a believer, that the loss of his parent has left him number one very tragic tragic felling, and two a feeling of guilt because he at this piont hasnt been able to forgive who ever it was that was responsible for his parents death.
the room wich is normally filled with alow background noise of chatter was silent as we talked about these vey issues. so in Gods' word it says that to be forgiven u must forgive others who have sins against u or that u hold a grudge on. this is clear.
so here is my question?
is this young mans sins been forgiven yet, or has his not being able to forgive whoever it may be yet in his way of true forgiveness?

This is one i am battling on because as i said this young man truely has excepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. Isnt Christs death and this young mans love for Christ enough?

Personally i feel that this is just another thing that he has to work on just like anyone else with addctions, anger issues, trust issues, and such. We all were taken freely by God when we accepted that His son died for our sins. He has taken us where we were at and is bringing us on a journey to where he wants us to be.
this how i understand the process of following the narrow road to heaven is. Constant progress in the areas that we fall short in, we all have whether we want to admit them or not.

What do u think?

Becoming a "Renegade Soldier"

Definition of renegade;
(n.) A common vagabond; a worthless or wicked fellow.
(n.) One who deserts from a military or naval post; a deserter.
(n.) One faithless to principle or party.
(n.) An apostate from Christianity or from any form of religious faith

I found it interesting that the word renegade has such a deep and condemning root meaning. So why title this post " Becoming a "Renegade Soldier""? Great question, and it is one that got me thinking about what i thought it was to be a renegade? From the earliest time i can remember, a "renegade" was always some one who stood out from the crowd, dared to question authority or the status-quo, refused to live a false life. Before i was a christian i saw characters or people like Joesy Whales, Jack Nicholas's character in "one flew over the co-coo nest", comic book character "the Punisher", Malcolm X, JFK, MLKjr,and such as having qualities of a renegade, revolutionary, and or rebel.
I am an educated man that decided to bypass the dictionary and have my own understanding of this word renegade. Well i guess that was 70k wasted, no just kidding because i believe that all knowledge whether misleading or fact, leads to truth.
Anyways, so now i become a follower of Christ and i start learning about Him and others that followed Christs example. i keep hearing about all these "renegades" of the faith and in the bible, people like Noah,David, John, Jesus Christ,Peter, John, Paul, Augustine, Martin Luther, Calvin, Knox, Wesley and others were all labeled as renegades, rebels and lets be honest some even called them crazy. So my old definition of renegade still fits to people even Christ. One who stands out from the crowd, someone who dared to question authority and or status-quo, and refused to live a false life or lie.
so i am sitting there thinking and wondering then, why after someone like Christ is characterized as a renegade, does it have this negative connotation? then it finally came to me it was because i didn't write the definition for renegade. or maybe as always real renegades like Christ, scare, intimidate,and convict others of their own personal falsehoods that their living. we all either have or had them at one time in our lives.
so what fear, intimidation or conviction is keeping you from receiving eternal life?

So going back to the dictionary definition;
yes i was once worthless and wicked
I was cleaned and redeemed by Christ' blood
yes i was once faithless
I found faith and hope in Christ
yes i have deserted my old ways and worldliness
this is evidence of my acceptance of Christ as Lord and Savior
yes i will always appose false teachings and ways
always using the Word as the guide for truth!
So renegade i am
In Christ Jesus i am!